Summer is almost over! Soon enough, temperatures will start dropping, leaves will start changing color and that one guy at your office will start trying to convince you thatpumpkin beer is in any way a good thing. But most importantly, as happens every fall, dinosaurs everywhere will start preening their plumage, showing off their cranial protuberances, and otherwise strutting their stuff.
Weve come a long way from the dark ages back when a simple Tyrannosaur or Velociraptor was enough to turn heads and get people talking which is why weve done you the courtesy of collecting 11 of this falls most glamorous, stunning, sexiest dinosaurs!
Whats your favorite dinosaur? Velociraptor? Obvious. Stegasaurus? Trite. Triceratops? Utterly basic. Seriously, we try to keep things positive here, but the Triceratops is for people who think that three spikes makes you edgy. While triceratops is the play it safe fauxhawk of the dinosaur world, though, the Styracosaurus stylish head is covered in take-no-prisoners liberty spikes three times as many as the Triceratops. Its not for everyone, but its that sense of confidence that earns the Styracosaurus a spot on this list.
Being sexy isnt about being aesthetically perfect. In fact, true sexiness comes not from a flawless visage and impeccable physique, but from taking what you have and making the absolute most of it. In that spirit, the Quetzalcoatlus takes that long, bird-like neck the type that probably got it made fun of in high school (if it was anything like mine!) and leans into it, styling its wispy feathers to highlight its most distinguishing feature. Named for the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl, this dino is, in a word, divine.
The Quetzalcoatlus is classy: The kind of dinosaur that can be breathtakingly elegant whether dressed to the nines at the opera, or picking out organic produce at a local farmers market. Sometimes, though, you dont want a pretty, refined dinosaur. You want something rough and primal, somethingthat is just as likely to buy you dinner as stand outside hollering at you, while doing its best Stanley Kowalski. You want someone just as likely to bring home flowers as engage in a brutal headbutting match utilizing the spike-lined bony protuberance come out of its noggin. You want a Pachycephalosaurus.
There are a lot of ways to cultivate and refine sexiness. For some dinosaurs its about giving people what they want. The classic (albeit somewhat well-worn) appeal of a massive frame, even massiver teeth and a pair of tiny arms. The Tyrannosaur is a classic, and for good reason its like a Mustang. (Right? Im more of a sexy dinosaur guy than a car guy.) The Sinosauropteryx takes things in another direction though. While it adopts the small arms of the T. rex, it goes on to reconceptualize that classic trope with coloration choices that keep you guessing. From a burnt orange, to eggshell, to off-black, to the stunning pice de rsistance that is the Sinosauroptertyxs absolutely magnificent striped tail.
Scaly skin, oddly placed feathers, toothy maw crammed to the brim with primordial foilagefrom the front, the concavenator looks like just another dinosaur. But then this devilish dino turns around, and its a whole other story, flaunting a hindquarter protuberance that boldly announcing itas the Nicki Minaj of the prehistoric world. Listen, Concavenator: We hate to see you go, but do we ever like to watch you leave.
Whats better than thatdino next door aesthetic? Deceptively complex yet devilishly effective, the appeal comes from the fact that this look appears effortless, but is far, far from it. The Kulindadromeus, however, makes it look breathtakingly easy, with a feather-covered body that you just want to wrap your eyes around, doe eyes as deep as they are innocent, pursed lips that send an entirely different message, and a long, purposeful tail that could go either way!
Some things never go out of style: a crisp white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, a little black dress, and yes, the Anklyosaurus. While perhaps not as exotic as some of the other entries on this list, the Anklyo uses that classic appeal to its advantage. Youve heard about it since grade school, but while focusing on the armor plating and big club-tail, you might have overlooked the fact that the Anklyosaurus is the widest of all the dinosaurs. Now that youre a little older, youre probably ready to appreciate that.
The revelation that many dinosaurs had feathers caused a seismic shift in the dino community the aftershocks of which are still reverberating throughout the fashion landscape today. Once mighty predators like the Tyrannosaur are now seen as, and excuse the strong language, big stupid chicken monsters. While some dinosaurs have had their legitimacy the sense of cool aloofness that made them attractive in the first place chipped away by the addition of feathers, the Adasaurus owns its more flamboyant features. Imagine one of those feathered, adorable little arms handing you a drink this Saturday night!
You walk into the club, and before you even make for the bar, you do the usual: scan the room. You count the horns, you admire the plumage, you check out all the fine dino-tail on display (were looking at you, Anklyosaurus). While the Ichthyostega isnt the first one you notice, when you finally set eyes upon that sleek, yet unassuming figure, youll wonder what youve been doing your entire life. With its smooth, no-frills, aerodynamic profile, the Ichthyostega oozes effortless confidence and machismo, like a Jurassic James Dean.
The way we used to think about dinosaurs is, frankly, prehistoric. Even that name: thunder lizards? Really? So very outdated. Worst of all, it locks young dinosaurs into a paradigm wherein if they arent massive, carnivorous monsters whose very steps shake the earth they walk upon, theyre somehow less-than. Thats why kudos are in order for the Dimorphodon, who proudly bucks this trend with bright beak colors that are traditionally more at home on a Fruit Loops box than on a dinosaur! Sure, that might sound ridiculous on paper, but the Dimorphodon has the je ne sais quoi to pull it off in spades!
Look at that thing. You could do all kinds of things with that. Finally, a head worthy ofyour hat-making best.
There you have it! Whether its on the runways, on the streets, or stomping through a primordial jungle as the only world they ever knew collapses around them, giving rise to a more readily adaptable form of life that will ultimately, and ironically, destroy the very same Earth itself one day, these are the 11 hottestdinosaurs coming your way this fall!
Aubrey Sitterson is Americas leading dinosaur aesthete. He also does a wrestling talk show STRAIGHT SHOOT, a sword and sorcery podcast SKALD, and writes a bunch of comics. Go to his website and follow him on Twitter.
- high school
- next door